I never thought I would say this, but I am becoming an expert in the “jokes for kids” department. Thanks to my five year old son, I spend a surprising amount of time searching for new jokes, and then telling them back and forth with the kids. My three year old never repeats them back the correct way, which makes them even funnier. The fact that my son loves jokes so much and I am constantly having to search for them inspired me to just make my own darn list already. But of course, it has to be the ultimate list of the best jokes for kids. So, here you go! (The first two are the current favorites in my house.)

The Ultimate list of the Best Jokes for Kids

best jokes for kids

Q) How do you make a tissue dance? 
A) Put a little boogie in it.

Q) Where would you find an elephant?
A) The same place you lost it.

Q) Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park?
A) They woke him up.

Q) What kind of witch likes the beach?
A) A sand-witch.

Q) Why is 6 afraid of 7?
A) Because 7, 8, 9.

Q) What do you give a sick bird?
A) A tweetment.

Q) What do you call a dinosaur that’s sleeping?
A) A dino-snore.

Q)What did one plate say to the other plate?
A) Dinner is on me!

Q) What is brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses?
A) A coconut on vacation.

Q) How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
A) You rocket.

Q) What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
A) Spelling.

Q) What do you call a duck who gets all A’s?
A) A wise quacker.

Q) What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A) A palm tree.

Q) What has 3 letters and starts with gas?
A) A car.

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Q) Why can’t Cinderella play soccer?
A) Because she’s always running away from the ball.

Q) What do you call a dog on the beach in summer?
A) A hot dog.

Q) How do pickles enjoy a day out?
A) They relish it.

Q) Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A) Because he felt crummy.

Q) What kind of money does a mermaid pay with?
A) Sand dollars.

Q) What do you call a monkey that loves potato chips?
A) A chipmonk.

Q) How do you talk to a giant?
A) Use big words.

Q) Why was the baby strawberry crying?
A) Because his mom and dad were in a jam.

Q) How do you throw a party in space?
A) You planet.

Q) What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
A) Arrrrr.

Q) What falls in winter but never gets hurt?
A) Snow.

Q) What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
A) Hailing taxis.

Q) What do you call a ghost’s true love?
A) His ghoul-friend.

Q) What is it so windy inside a sports arena?
A) All those fans.

Q) What building in New York has the most stories?
A) The public library.

Q) What did one egg say to the other?
A) You crack me up.

Q) How do we know that the ocean is friendly?
A) It waves.

Q) When is a baseball player like a spider?
A) When he catches a fly.

Q) What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?
A) Twister.

Q) What did zero say to eight?
A) Nice belt.

Q) What do bulls read?
A) Cattle-logs.

Q) What did the girl ocean say to the boy ocean when he asked her out on a date?
A) Shore.

Q) How does the moon cut it’s hair?
A) Eclipse it.

Q) What are two things you can’t have for breakfast?
A) Lunch and dinner.

Q) What do you call a sleeping bull?
A) A bulldozer.

Q) How do you get a squirrel to like you?
A) Act like a nut!

Q) What does a nosey pepper do?
A) Gets jalapeno in your business.

Q) What letters are not in the alphabet?
A) The ones in the mail.

Q) What do you call two birds in love?
A) Tweethearts.

Q) Why do bees have sticky hair?
A) Because they use a honeycomb.

Q) What do you call a fake noodle?
A) An Im-Pasta.

Q) What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A) Pork Chop.

Q) How does a scientist freshen his breath?
A) With experi-ments.

Q) What did the big flower say to the little flower?
A) Hey, bud!

Q) Why are teddy bears never hungry?
A) Because they are always stuffed.

Q) What’s the smartest kind of bee?
A) A spelling bee.

Q) How do you know if a vampire has a cold?
A) He starts coffin.

Q) What do you get when you cross and elephant and a potato?
A) Mashed potatoes.

Q) What do you give a sick lemon?
A) Lemon aid.

Q) Why didn’t the orange win the race?
A) It ran out of juice.

Q) What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A) Finding half a worm.

Q) Why did the melon jump into the lake?
A) He wanted to be a watermelon.

Q) What was the first animal in space?
A) The cow that jumped over the moon.

Q) What animal is the best at hitting a ball?
A) A bat.

Q) How does a cucumber become a pickle?
A) It goes through a jarring experience.

Q) What did the blanket say to the bed?
A) I’ve got you covered.

Q) What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A) A stick.

Q) What is a cat’s favorite color?
A) Purrrr-ple.

Q) Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A) Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.

Q) What has two legs but can’t walk?
A) A pair of pants.

Q) Why can’t Elsa have a balloon?
A) Because she will let it go.

Q) What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A) Stick with me and we’ll go places together.

Q) How do you make an octopus laugh?
A) With ten-tickles.

Q) What gets wetter the more it dries?
A) A towel.

Q) How does a train eat?
A) It goes chew chew.

Q) Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
A) He had no body to dance with.

Q) What did the nose say to the finger?
A) Quit picking on me.

Q) What room can no one enter?
A) A mushroom.

Q) Why do tigers have stripes?
A) So they don’t get spotted.

Q) What kind of key can never unlock a door?
A) A monkey.

Q) What musical instrument is found in everyone’s bathroom?
A) A tuba toothpaste.

Q) How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
A) With a pumpkin patch.

Q) Why did Santa go to music school?
A) He wanted to improve his wrapping skills.

Q) What did the ocean say when it saw a storm coming?
A) Nothing, it just waved.

Q) What dinosaur had the best vocabulary?
A) The thesaurus.

Q) What did the cheerleader say to the ghost?
A) Show your spirit.

Q) Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet?
A) Because he was always lost at sea.

Q) Why did they stop giving tests at the zoo?
A) Because it was full of cheetahs.

Q) What did one DNA strand say to the other DNA strand?
A) Do these genes make my butt look big?

Q) What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A) A walkie talkie.

Q) What kind of award did the dentist receive?
A) A little plaque.

Q) Why are robots never afraid?
A) They have nerves of steel.

Q) What did the man say when he walked into the bar?
A) Ouch.

Q) Where do pencils go on vacation?
A) Pencil-vania.

Q) Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
A) They have two left feet.

Q) What did one eye say to the other?
A) Between you and me, something smells.

Q) What do you call a funny mountain?
A) Hill-arious.

Q) What are the strongest days of the week?
A) Saturday and Sunday. All the other days are weekdays.

Q) What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
A) Sneakers.

Q) What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
A) You look flushed.

Q) What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
A) Nacho cheese.

Q) Why couldn’t the pony sing a song?
A) She was a little hoarse.

Q) What does tick-tock and woof-woof?
A) A watchdog.

Q) Why are ghosts bad liars?
A) Because you can see right through them.

Q) Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A) He wanted cold, hard cash.

Q) Why do shoemakers go to heaven?
A) Because they have good soles.

There you have it folks, 100 of the best jokes for kids! Have one of these jokes handy when you pick your kids up from school to brighten their mood or leave them on a note in their lunchbox!

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