Today I picked up my son from preschool for the very last time. It hit me as I was driving to get him, I’ll never have this again.
Somewhere else, another mom with a child who is going into middle school is looking at the pictures from my son’s preschool graduation and wishing she was back there for even just a moment, because she picked up her child from elementary school for the very last time today. The last time ever.
In another place, another mom is crying because she watched her child graduate high school, for the one and only, very last time today.
All of those rushed mornings, hectic schedules, taxi-driving, school events, snack rules and playground dramas, they can feel like a lot when you’re in the thick of it. It’s easy to wish it away, to be the one who “can’t wait” for this phase to be over.
And then one day, you’re the mom who is doing the thing for the last time, wishing you could do it just one more time. Pack one more lunch, watch them sign their name in insanely slow one more time, clean another stain whose origin you’ll never know.
My son will never, ever be a preschooler again. And this summer is the one and only summer I will ever have with a 5 year old Kaiper Ambrose LeBrun.
One go round. One shot. One flash. One chance for memories that will be all we have some day.
Tonight he asked if we could have a dance party before bed and mid-dancing I thought… every night. Every night this summer let’s have a dance party before bed. Let’s celebrate this life. Let’s create these brief moments where we are twirling and laughing and for a split second our eyes meet and I see the joyous smile of a 5 year old boy who will never be a 5 year old boy again. And a 3 year old girl who will only be 3 for just a little while.
I saw that tonight, that smile, that smile that said “I’m so happy my mommy is acting like a total nutcase right now.”
Let’s give ourselves grace when we have days where we feel like we are just too tired and frustrated to deal, and then jump up with vigor and pep, and remind ourselves that we set the tone, we create the storyline. And we only get to borrow these little people for a short blink in our lives.
One day, when I am the mom whose son has grown and left home, I hope he will have the dance parties with his kids. And when he does, I hope he thinks of that summer when he was 5, that one and only summer when he was 5.
Hi, I’m Jessica! I am wife to Chris, and mom to Kaiper, Alana and Koa. I am a graphic designer, website developer and aspiring author. In this space, I share about everything from parenting, working from home, food we cook, and lots of things for kids! Learn more about me here.